And so it begins...

Well, I have reached a point. You know, a turning point? And almost a boiling point a couple of times! I am to that POINT where I want to take the next step with my photography.  I am nervous.  Not about my skill really.  I am pretty comfortable believing that I have an eye for photography.  Maybe that is because I think in pictures. When I see something beautiful, my next thought is "I'd like to shoot that." Wait...that sounds morbid! That's not what I mean...I want to photograph it.  I can remember the first time this happened. I was about 7 years old, and was roaming around the land were I grew up,which was about 27 miles past the middle of nowhere, making it all the more awesome. (Wow, that was a run on sentence that I would have docked my third graders for..good thing I'm not teaching this year!) Anyway, I was out in the pasture that day, at one of my favorite places.  A little creek ran through our property, and a huge tree had fallen across it, forming a bridge.  I would sit on the tree, lay on the tree, play on the tree...and one day, a beautiful painted bunting landed on another tree branch about 10 feet from me.  I sat so very still, watching it with a breathless awe...such a beautiful, vibrant combination of color. I could literally see every detail of its eyes and beak. It sat there for quite a few seconds, and then flitted off.  I ran home determined to make a field journal where I would draw the beautiful things I saw. I quickly realized that I was going to need a new idea, drawing was NOT my strong suit.....Here's how the next idea went down: Me: "Mommy, can I use your camera to take pictures of birds from the tree over the creek?" Fat chance.  She still won't let me touch that thing! My mother: "No, sweetheart, you can't use my camera...maybe you'll get one for your birthday or Christmas." Me:(pouty lip and whiny voice). "But that's too long!" Well, she did end up getting me a camera: a pink Vivitar that used that 110 film..you know what I'm talking about. I was elated!  I remember sprinkling birdseed on the ground and hiding, ready to capture my National Geographic shot of two tiny little Inca doves. I got the shot, and anxiously waited for Saturday (the day we went to town) so I could send off the film and pick it up the following Saturday. I won't go in to detail about my disappointment about the photograph that returned, but let's just say that it was the first time (of ever so many) that my photograph failed give me the light, the beauty, the color, or the detail of what my beady little 20/20 eye had seen. I quickly realized it was useless to expect such results out of my camera, or out of myself.
Although I stopped trying to shoot amazing pictures, I never stopped thinking in amazing pictures.  I always have. Though I was very fortunate to have the childhood I did, compared to most, we never had the money for me to have a hobby, especially an expensive one like photography. My parents always encouraged me to go straight to college after high school, so I wouldn't struggle like they had. I did, and I remember sitting in the admissions office when they asked me to list my major on my application. I had no idea what I wanted to do.  I checked elementary education.  My thought process was this: Well, my mom is a teacher.  If she can do that, I probably can do that too. I wasn't really into risks. Four years later, I graduated with a teaching degree, and the next, I had my own classroom. Fortunately, the side of caution worked out well for me. I loved my job, and I loved my kids.  And I was quite good at it, or at least I think so. I taught for four years, and then my husband and I decided it would be better if I worked part time.  His career as a Marine aviator can get really stressful, and two people with demanding jobs can be tough on a marriage.  My guess is that you probably know that too. It was actually through his example that I learned what it means to dream big.  We married young, and I remember when he was just drifting, unsure of what he wanted to do with his life.  I was beside him when he decided that he wanted to fly.  Not just fly, but fly jets. And I have been beside him over every hurdle he has overcome to get here.  And I'm ashamed to say that some of the time I doubted him. But he did it.  He decided what he really wanted to do, and he gave it everything he had.  And it actually happened.  I never thought that that actually happened! I hope you're still tracking with me...
So that has what has led me to this point. I know what I want. Finally.  I want to be a photographer.  Just owning that has been a step for me.  I am afraid: afraid I will fail because I might not be good enough, or smart enough, or talented enough.  And that may be true.  But if I fail, I will know it won't be because I didn't try hard enough.
So I'll continue hitting the books, fiddling with my camera, and practicing.  The best encouragement is for me to see how I improve with every shoot. It gives me hope! And that is a beautiful thing! :)
I am so sorry, I intended for my first blog to be a brief explanation of what I'm doing, and not the beast that it has turned into...My future posts will be mainly pictures, so don't worry!